Making It Better With Numbness
by broodyleytons
Summary: Peyton. WILL GET DARK.
1. Bad Addictions Turn Sweet

**Title: Making It Better With Numbness**

**Author: Kaytee.**

**Disclaimer: I am own nothing just the plot. This is just mere imagination folks.**

**Summary: What ever you make of it. But mainly its about Peyton's depressing life.**

Peyton stared down at the white line on her CD. Should she? She could make this pain go away in a matter of seconds. She could be numb for a couple hours and then fall asleep. She could forget the fact that her mother was never coming back no matter how many red lights she ran. She could forget that Lucas will always be fawning over Brooke. She could forget that Jake kept running away from her. And most of all she could forget all the stupid crap going on in her life; like her absentee father.

She wanted to be numb so badly it hurt her insides. She craved for the sweet feeling of carelessness. She wanted to be able to scream or laugh and actually mean it. It was sad that she had to snort cocaine to achieve that dream. Peyton was turning into the type of person she hated. She had no respect for people who were too weak to face their problems and instead turned to drugs and alcohol. No matter how much she tried to ignore it, it was always there. Brokenness, loneliness, pain; things she could make disappear in a few moments.

She decided, what the hell, no one is saving me now. Brooke is off with Felix or Mouth or Lucas, you never knew who Brooke was with anymore. Lucas was probably with Anna. Haley and Nathan…they had their own demons to deal with.

**People Always Leave.**

Peyton stared up at her famous drawing of the street lights. It was true. No one wanted to stick around for little pitiful Peyton anymore, they had their own life to live. Not that she cared or ever cared. She became tougher and stronger as the days passed. But, apparently not strong enough to say no to drugs.

Peyton chuckled softly remembering back in the forth grade where Brooke told her drugs were bad and that you would die if you gave into them; only if Brooke could see her now.

Peyton stared harder into the reflection on the shiny CD. She hated herself. She was so ugly, covered in self doubt and pity. She hated looking at herself. Once upon a time her life was simple. Now it was far from it. Her life had taken a turn for the worst when Lucas came into her life. Not that she regrets having him in her life, it is just…complicated. She was fine with her Ass of a boyfriend Nathan and her cookie cutter life. When he came into view, she felt naked to him. She felt he could see the real Peyton Sawyer, not the one masked by cheers and pom poms. He had wanted her but she pushed him away in fear, but then got caught up in him again and betrayed her best friend Brooke.

Brooke. There is another subject worth mentioning. She was always the cheery one, with big brown eyes full of wonder and ambition. Peyton took that away. Brooke didn't like to mention the 'incident' because it hurt her too much. But what about her? Peyton was hurt as well. She stood by and watched her Best Friend and Love of her Life be together. _Brooke being the only one hurt in this situation my ass_, Peyton thought. I mean look at me, I am on the edge of resorting to fake happiness while she is screwing some guy. What a friend.

Peyton felt one small tear escape her hazel eye and travel down her face. Frustrated, she wiped it away, sick to her stomach that she had gotten so soft and weak. She then lowered her head down some so her nose was in contact with the powdery drug. She was about to end all of her problems when she heard the voice of, none other, Brooke Davis.

"I hate men." Brooke snapped as she fell onto Peyton's comfortable bed.

Peyton quickly disposed the evidence and shut her bathroom door. Plastering a smile on her face, she propped herself against her closet door. "Felix wanted to be just friends with benefits again?"

Brooke lifted her head up a bit and made a disgusted face. "I don't want to talk about him. He makes me want to barf." She lowered her head again and groaned.

Peyton was amused at what was before her. Brooke was suffering. Of course she wouldn't let it show tomorrow or even in a couple minutes. Peyton knew that was wrong to find joy in someone else's misery but Brooke was so funny sometimes, Peyton couldn't help herself. None the less, Brooke was after her best friend…

**Should I continue? I have no clue.**

**I wrote it because I was on the depressed side and my real feelings came out onto this story.**

**Its fine if its horrible. I will delete it later.**

**ReadAndReview.**


	2. It's Gonna Be A Long Way To Happy

**Thanks for the reviews. Guess I will continue it…**

**Disclaimer: Nothing.**

**There is some teeney weeney Leytonness in this chapter. Maybe there will be more, maybe not…**

**Ha. Of Course there will be!**

**Hope yall like.**

Peyton awoke the next morning with Brooke still sleeping soundly beside her. She smiled for a second and then frowned, remembering the night's events.

"_No no. You always get to put the make up on P. Sawyer. It is my turn. Sit." Brooke pointed to the corner of Peyton's bed. They were doing make overs and it was Brooke's turn._

_Peyton threw herself down on her bed. She just wanted to sleep but miss cheery over there was too hyped up with chocolate and caffeine to notice. It was fine, really. It was kind of nice to have someone around. It gets lonely at times in a big house._

_Brooke was searching for the really bright orange/red blush that Peyton hated when a blinding light caught her eye. She walked over to the trash can on the side of the sing and saw one of Peyton's CDs, She Wants Revenge. She thought it was odd that it was in the trash so she bent down to pick it up. She saw some white dust on it, she blew on it and it disappeared. She laughed a little, she didn't understand why it was there._

"_Peyton, here is your god forsaken CD you adore. I found it in the trash, why it was there I have no clue." Brooke laughed while sitting it on the edge of the counter and continued her search._

_Peyton bolted up, that was the CD she used to lay her cocaine on. "Um Brooke why did you look in the trash?" She got up and walked over to the brunette._

_Brooke scoffed. "Because! It was blinding my eye. Here." She threw it to Peyton._

"_So you didn't see anything else in there?"_

_Brooke looked at her funny. "No…"_

_Peyton nodded. "Okay." She saw the look Brooke was giving her and knew it was the Lecture look. "I am fine. Don't worry. Are you almost done Davis?" She smiled._

_Brooke shook the weird feeling off and rolled her eyes. "I guess miss impatient." Brooke walked out of the bathroom and began to set out the make up._

_Peyton sighed in relief. She didn't find it. Thank God. _

Peyton couldn't believe how close Brooke was to finding out her dirty secret. She couldn't risk that happening again. So Peyton got up and out of bed as silently as she could and walked into the restroom. Biting her lip, she reached down in the small black trash can; she grabbed the vile of cocaine and shoved it in her pocket.

Hearing some shuffling, Peyton turned around to see Brooke sitting up in bed and looking at her cell phone. It looked like she was texting someone.

Peyton decided not to bother her and take a quick shower. When she was done, she walked out into an empty room only to find a note with Brooke's boxy writing on it.

_Sorry. Gotta run home, parents needed to talk._

_See you later. Bye!_

Peyton rolled her eyes and knew her parents wouldn't text her to come home. It was probably Felix. Whatever, I don't care! She thought.

A few hours later and no word from Brooke, Peyton was beginning to get lonely. She hated to be alone. She felt deprived of love, as cheesy as it sounded it was true.

"Knock Knock."

The voice startled Peyton and so she jumped out of her computer chair to face them. It was Lucas.

"Oh hey Luke. What's up?"

Lucas pushed hid bottom lip out a bit and slowly shook his head. "Nothing much, just bored…and kinda lonely." He found a spot on her bed. "You?"

Peyton smiled. She loved it when Lucas came by, he always brightened her day. "Just sitting around, causing trouble and all." She replied jokingly.

"I see, I see. Well since I am lonely and you are causing trouble…lets go on a road trip!" Lucas stood up and clapped his hands.

Peyton staring cracking up. "Are you serious? Where?"

Lucas thought for a minute. "How about… wherever you want?"

Peyton smiled big. "Okay. Let's go and get out of this crazy town!"

Lucas watched Peyton as she packed. He was glad that she agreed to go with him because there were some things they needed to talk about. She didn't know this but, Lucas saw her shooting some coke with that Rick guy from Tric the other night and he was worried about her.

"I am going to use the bathroom real quick ok?" Lucas asked. Peyton nodded.

Once he shut the door he saw a tan translucent pill bottle in the corner. He bent down, afraid that he was right, and picked it up. He opened it and saw inside the mountain of white powder. He gripped the bottle tightly and closed his eyes. How did she end up like this? He thought to himself.

**I guess I will continue it. And don't worry, I am still devoting time to Broken Promises, Broken Hearts, And Broken Dreams AND Walking Talking Disaster. **

**R&R Please.**

**Kthnkxbyee.**


	3. In All Seriousness, I Care

Sorry it has taken me so long to update this story! Wow, I just re-read it and fell in love with it all over again and had to write more. So here is the third chapter! ENJOY! And remember…always review. It makes me smile. Hahaa.

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Peyton was drawing what look like an arena of a basketball game; it had everything a basketball game would have, the fans, and the team, not to mention the cheerleaders. She was about to start drawing the most important part in the picture when she heard Lucas call her name.

She turned her head towards the left and faced Lucas, staring into him with her green eyes. "Huh?" She pushed out.

"I didn't agree to drive this long just so you can doodle." Lucas said, causing Peyton's jaw to drop and smack his arm.

"I am not just 'doodling' my friend, it is a masterpiece in progress, a inspiring masterpiece might I add." Peyton's nose hung in the air as she rearranged herself in the passenger seat of her car, pulling her legs up and underneath her body. "How dare you even call it doodles?" She laughed, clearly joking.

Lucas couldn't help but laugh as well. It was rare when Peyton smiled, let alone laughed and joked around; most of the time Peyton was closed off and moody. "So, how are you doing these days?" Lucas asked, trying to smooth into the next conversation he was about to have.

Peyton closed her sketchbook and laid it in the backseat, slightly shifting her body to face Lucas. "Oh you know, the usual; Brooke is hung up on every which boy in Tree Hill, and Nathan and Haley having their issues with that Chris dude, who if you asked me, should be neutered so he can never procreate; seriously, that would be a true downfall on the economy. And I haven't talked to Jake in about two, full months now. Oh and my dad, I think the last time I talked to him was…the night before that awesome house party Haley James threw a couple weeks ago. No wait, that was a month ago too." Peyton smiled sarcastically.

Lucas asked himself why he had even asked. But he couldn't help but understand now why she was doing drugs; no one was there for her. He was going to turn that around pretty quick, even he pissed Peyton off. She was just going to have to get over it, because he was the only one who cared enough to notice something was off and to help fix it.

"Peyton, that all really sucks, but you didn't really tell me how you, Peyton Sawyer, have been. That's who I asked about, isn't it?" Lucas stared Peyton down with his big, blue eyes, searching deep inside of her leaving her feeling quite naked.

She started fidgeting with her coat zipper. "Yeah I guess; I am sorry Luke. I am doing okay I guess, some days better than others you know?" Peyton looked at him with her eyes, so sad and so angry. Lucas always worried about her, even before they were friends.

"Yeah, I hear you." Lucas gripped the steering wheel and mentally kicking himself for not being able to bring the subject at hand. He snuck an innocent glance at Peyton who was looking at the scenery racing past them, her crazy blonde curls dancing in the air around her face. "She is so beautiful…" Lucas mumbled.

"What?" Peyton turned around.

"Nothing just tired. Whitey has us running so many laps since we lost the championship." Lucas lied.

"Well maybe it is doing you some good after all." Peyton said.

Lucas raised an eyebrow. "I am not sure I know what you mean by that Peyton Sawyer."

Peyton smiled, "Well, you know, your legs have become a bit chickeny." Peyton started to laughed loudly, knowing Lucas had nothing to top that one.

Lucas laughed and hung his head low. "Props, props to you Miss Sawyer."

After the laughter had died down Lucas decided that it was a good time to pop the question. "So, Peyton can I ask you something?" Lucas' eyes raced around, not staying one thing for any long amount of time. He was nervous, knowing Peyton was going to freak.

Peyton wiped some of her curls out of her face. "Yeah, sure Luke, what is it?"

Lucas looked at Peyton one last time before he took a deep breath. "Why were you doing coke with Rick and Tric the other night?" Lucas finally got it out. He felt a hell of a lot better, but then again he had yet to look at what Peyton's face was. He imagined it to be full of anger and "How dare you!" But when he finally got enough nerve to look at her, he was shocked of what was before him. Peyton was crying.

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Ha! I left it at a shocker. It's what I do, what can I say.

Let me know if it was any good. Sorry it was short!

**Reviews should begin…..NOW!**


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